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Why do we teach our children that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?” I guess we want to make them believe that the mean words other people say don’t matter? That they can’t hurt?

The problem is, it’s just not true.

Words are way more powerful than sticks and stones. Your arm gets broken and it heals in about 6 months or so. Your spirit gets crushed by verbal abuse and you may never recover.

I don’t think we’re doing kids a favor by teaching them that words can’t hurt them. I think it just makes it harder for them to deal with the pain because now they have adults telling them that they shouldn’t be feeling the pain in the first place. Plus, it does nothing to help them understand how powerful their own words are, and how hurtful or helpful their own words can be depending on how they use them.

Why not just tell them the truth? It hurts, but it is the truth.

We went to see “The Fantasticks” again last weekend, this time at the OKC Repertory Theatre company.  The company was pretty good, and of course the material itself is phenomenal. I was again marveled at the depth of insight contained in this script.

If you’ve never heard of The Fantasticks, it is the longest running musical theatre production of all time. I believe it has run for something like 42 years in New York. When you see it, you can understand why because its story is a metaphor about innocence versus experience that is timeless, ageless and universal.

Here are the lyrics to the production’s opening and closing song, “Try to Remember” (emphasis mine). Consider these and you’ll see what I mean:

Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.

(Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow)

Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.

(Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow)

Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,
Although you know the snow will follow.
Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,
Without a hurt the heart is hollow.
Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,
The fire of September that made us mellow.
Deep in December, our hearts should remember
And follow.